The darkest Desert

(as i went through one of my first journals i wrote, i realized just how personal i got in it. it was after a very long relationship ended abruptly. honestly, you would probably think less of me if i put some of the more personal (and emotionally explicit) entries in, which i am not concerned about in the least, but at this moment i would feel most comfortable not putting those in; maybe in the future. anyways, here is 'The darkest Desert')

The darkest Desert.

I can't see.

The darkest Desert.

I can't hear.

The darkest Desert.

I can't feel.

My pen is running out of ink.

My mind is running out of words.

I am running out of time.

My cistern is full of sand.

Not mud, but sand.

My thirst hasn't been quenched in years.

But on the thought, has it ever been 

filled?

Always better.

Always next.

Not here.

Not now.

Next.

My feet drag and blister against

the cold desert sand, for it is night.

When will someone be able to put

their faith in me without it having

to falter once again.

Once nothing.

That's what I was.

But now a stranger has given me shelter 

and now becomes a friend, a savior.

But now how many times will I flee.

Looking for Bigger. Better. Next.

A preface for what is to come ...

The writings of my past have been compiling into various many  books over the years. Most are sitting around, not helping anyone (including myself) ... just gathering dust in the crannies of my room. So ... after some quick thoughts on the matter, i've decided to post my past writings digitally, so they can be available to those other than me. 

Many of the words I speak in these creative journals are deeply personal, going back to the times in my life where I have experienced the greatest joy and the deepest sorrows, the most serious of times and the most lazy of times ... the times where I have shined and the times where I have been darkened. 

I don't know what will come of this. I don't know who will interact or what they will say. It's kind of a scary thought, if I were to be honest with myself. 

But please, join me now as I start to relive some of these past moments in my life, for better or for worse.